College relationships veer from tradition: sex first, dating later
Lindsey Shumway
Issue date: 1/13/09 Section: Arts & Leisure
Lindsey Shumway
Cardinal Points
Plattsburgh, N.Y. (UWIRE) - Rule No. 1: No calls the day after. Rule No. 2: Spending the night is optional. Rule No. 3: Kissing is not a requirement - it's bourgeois.
Such are the rules established by Jerry and Elaine in the "Seinfeld" episode, "The Deal." The two used these guidelines to avoid problems in their "friends with benefits" arrangement, but they are unsuccessful.
The dating atmosphere in college has changed more to short-term relationships, like "friends with benefits," and other relatively new concepts, said William Tooke, Plattsburgh State psychology professor. It's sort of denying human nature to have relationships with no strings attached, he said, and dating has gotten all messy.
"Someone dropped a bomb on the dating scene," Tooke said.
Junior Marissa Rector said a main reason is because society in the United States has gotten so much more liberal with concepts such as couples co-inhabiting before marriage and open relationships.
"In our society, the norm is that sex is pretty important," Rector said. "Sex is pretty much expected once you get to a certain level of dating."
For many college students, this level of dating has decreased, and the sequence of events in building relationships seems to have changed, she said. Instead of the couples progressing from dating to marriage to sex, like it has been outlined in history as the "proper" order, the series is changing to sex, then dating and finally marriage.
Tooke said men tend to be more biased toward short-term relationships, and women tend to be biased toward long-term relationships. This could be dated back to thousands of years of evolution, he said.
Women would choose a healthy, well-built man with redeeming qualities so their babies would acquire some of the same, which was the original reason to find a mate.
"A woman has to go through nine months of hell, then excruciating pain in childbirth, especially years ago when there wasn't medicine you could take for it," Tooke said. "What does it take from a man? A teaspoon full of sperm."
Cardinal Points
Plattsburgh, N.Y. (UWIRE) - Rule No. 1: No calls the day after. Rule No. 2: Spending the night is optional. Rule No. 3: Kissing is not a requirement - it's bourgeois.
Such are the rules established by Jerry and Elaine in the "Seinfeld" episode, "The Deal." The two used these guidelines to avoid problems in their "friends with benefits" arrangement, but they are unsuccessful.
The dating atmosphere in college has changed more to short-term relationships, like "friends with benefits," and other relatively new concepts, said William Tooke, Plattsburgh State psychology professor. It's sort of denying human nature to have relationships with no strings attached, he said, and dating has gotten all messy.
"Someone dropped a bomb on the dating scene," Tooke said.
Junior Marissa Rector said a main reason is because society in the United States has gotten so much more liberal with concepts such as couples co-inhabiting before marriage and open relationships.
"In our society, the norm is that sex is pretty important," Rector said. "Sex is pretty much expected once you get to a certain level of dating."
For many college students, this level of dating has decreased, and the sequence of events in building relationships seems to have changed, she said. Instead of the couples progressing from dating to marriage to sex, like it has been outlined in history as the "proper" order, the series is changing to sex, then dating and finally marriage.
Tooke said men tend to be more biased toward short-term relationships, and women tend to be biased toward long-term relationships. This could be dated back to thousands of years of evolution, he said.
Women would choose a healthy, well-built man with redeeming qualities so their babies would acquire some of the same, which was the original reason to find a mate.
"A woman has to go through nine months of hell, then excruciating pain in childbirth, especially years ago when there wasn't medicine you could take for it," Tooke said. "What does it take from a man? A teaspoon full of sperm."
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
Jessica Kunkel
posted 3/25/09 @ 11:04 AM CST
This is an absolutely excellent article! When I read the part about rushing in to committed relationships too quickly, I had to wonder, does this have to do with the statistically large percentage of divorced parents of the current crop of college students? Isn't it some sort of backlash, a search for stability - that of course, leads to the same type of instability, because of the rushed nature of it? I know so many people who get engaged their first year of college!
Desiree Glover
posted 1/13/10 @ 9:36 AM CST
The article was very interesting it hits everything on point. Relationships is to be taken seriously.
A Fan
posted 1/15/10 @ 6:14 PM CST
Didn't someone write a similar article last year, "What women want?" The professors may not be agreeing with his theories, but in a lot of ways, they are supporting them, the 21st century woman is the problem, the divorse rates have gone up because of equal rights with men and women, women now want to have sex before they date like driving a car before they buy it, they want to have sex before they committ to dating that one person, hopefully he writes something similar this spring. (Continued…)
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