Gateway

Issue date: 10/30/07 Section: Arts & Leisure

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Halloween is literally the holiday of a million faces. Centered on the ritual of wearing something completely foolish or scary, the celebration of the dead reminds me of what George Clinton's funeral would look like.

It's always troubling to find a costume idea for Halloween. Here are a few last minute ideas I thought of for myself, and maybe my leftovers are good enough to inspire others this year.

At first this year, I thought I could go as Britney Spears. I have short hair, I'm completely uncoordinated and a bad dancer (I need a choreographer just to brush my teeth). The only thing keeping me from dressing like Britney was that I was afraid the cold late October temperatures would be too chilly to not wear any underwear.

That costume idea falling flat showed me how easy some girls have it on Halloween. For examples, the classic tramp costume is a surefire hit among the alcohol-and-hormones crowd at many college parties. You know the kind of costume I'm talking about, the ones with as little material as possible and they always seem to include fishnet stockings. There's the slutty police officer, slutty cheerleader, slutty vampire, slutty Cat Girl and the always-popular slutty Mother Theresa.

I could have dressed as Steve Pedersen, the now-former UNL athletic director. That's an easy costume to make; all I'd need is a tie and jacket to go with a smarmy looking smile and haircut.

This would have been a pretty obvious choice to make for a costume. However, the problem with dressing like Steve is that I was afraid the noose I'd have to wear around my neck would be uncomfortable. Besides, I still have a steady job.

Still trying to find a costume, I knew I couldn't do what I had done before and go as Tim Kasher. I did two years ago, but I got too drunk and passed out before the party even began. I'm a method actor and take my roles very seriously.

However, this costume, the musician gone overboard, is interchangeable. If you like the Christian rock scene, you could go as Scott Stapp, formerly of Creed. If you want to remain relevant, this year you could paint on a black eye and go as Kid Rock after his "Waffle House" incident.

I tried to think of some political costumes too.

Unfortunately, I'm about four feet too tall to go as Dennis Kucinich.

I guess I could just try to find a 10-foot woman to go as his wife; it would have had the same effect.

I also thought to go as Ron Paul, but I didn't think I was going to be willing to go through the lobotomy just for the sake of a costume.

While I may still be indecisive, whichever costume idea you choose, be safe over the Halloween holiday.

Just remember that friends don't let friends dress up as Tim Kasher and drive.

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